when it hurts so bad

The cold clammy drops of yesterday’s heavy downpour fall in a slow rhythmic pattern on my bare arm
Drip
Drip
Drip
Its funny how annoying this usually can be
But today
Today is different.
Today my body burns hot, hot. A seering heat that blazes from my soul and envelopes me like the stinging pain from a freshly pinched throbbing ear.
The drops, cool, harsh, seem to seep into my soul fanning the burning heat within.
I sit there on the front porch of my house embracing both the inky night and its chilly breeze, allowing my soul to vent. My fingers trace their path through my tangled hair, jabbing gently with their tips to get to the roots and I am wondering when I will visit the salon.
Nothing does matter now,
Not now
Maybe tomorrow.
Today was not good.
Not good at all.
I found out Keriko was cheating on me.
Well, not technically.
It’s just that I am not over him even long after the break up and both our decisions that it was best for either of us.
He isn’t over me either and it’s been four months.
It’s just his technique of ‘moving on’ as fast as possible with whomever.
I wish I could be happy for him but it hurts and burns like a caterpillar rash
And all the scabs keeping in the healing wound can’t contain this blow. It’s opening afresh.
I can smell the coppery odor of blood as my soul’s scabs tear open.
It smarts!
It burns like pepper in my eyes.
I’m trying not to cry but I can’t help it. And it does not come easy either. My soul has no voice to express my tortured lament, so with every heave, my eyes brim over and fresh hot hot tears escape from the throbbing wound within
Soundlessly
Today was not a good day.
I brush my temples with the back of a heated hand and squeeze my eyes tight shut. The lids hurt with the fatigue of holding in so much. Laden with pent up grief and the scabs tear further releasing a fresh volt of pent up emotion that willfully roll down my face in clear salty tears.
The drops from the old pipe ceaselessly wet my arm, competing with each other drop after drop to maintain moisture on my heated arm.
Finally I inhale deeply, sucking the hot air in my soul. I am startled and shocked at the magnitude of heat pain produces as I let it out shakily.
I clasp my neck and test for what I am sure is already there,, the feverish sensation- the onset of something I dreaded.
The drops become chillingly cold- almost painful—I still welcome them. Maybe my body wont heed to this rudimentary torture, but my soul..oh my battered soul will surely scab again.